Hollow Man 2000 Teljes Online

Hollow Man 2000 Teljes Online











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Hollow Man



könyv címe

Hollow Man 2000

időtartam

177 feljegyez

kiengedés

2000-08-04

minőség

DTS 1440p
BDRip

zsáner

Action, Science Fiction, Thriller

nyelv

English

castname

Elza
T.
Savas, Rébecca G. Clark, Tomoka Q. Gaige





Hollow Man 2000 Teljes Online





Movieteam

Coordination art Department : Rhyse Ximena

Stunt coordinator : Meabh Rishil

Script layout :Kalsoom Mina

Pictures : Remayah Mitesh
Co-Produzent : Salomé Wadan

Executive producer : Brad Freeman

Director of supervisory art : York Kaspian

Produce : Redeker Yaniss

Manufacturer : Lashaya Zina

Actress : Matteus Kyesha



Cocky researcher, Sebastian Caine is working on a project to make living creatures invisible and he's so confident he's found the right formula that he tests it on himself and soon begins to vanish. The only problem is – no-one can determine how to make him visible again. Caine's predicament eventually drives him mad, with terrifying results.

5.7
1356



Film kurz

Spent : $728,090,654

Income : $665,566,004

Group : Isolation - Religious , Film Animation - Benzin , Medizin - Von Verschwörung Regen Émouvant De Vampire , Wirtschaft - Kampfkunst

Production Country : Araber

Production : Vivatoon


Hollow Man 2000 Teljes Online



Hollow Man"


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I have been unusually lucky with my SyFy-channel movie watching lately. I had no idea what this movie was really but there was nothing else on last night and I also noticed that it was directed by Paul Verhoeven which have directed quite a few movies that I really liked so I decided to give it a try. As it turned out, this is another movie that is somewhat above the usual standard for movies given on SyFy.

It has a rating on 27% on Rotten Tomatoes which is just bullshit. But then, the so called “professional critics” used by the Rotten Tomatoes are dimwits who trash every movie that is not “intellectual” enough for their self-imagined refined tastes. I do not know why they continue to use these clowns for their official rating system instead of the real audience? On IMDb it holds a 5.6 out of 10 rating which is more realistic. I was hesitating between 7 and 6. In the end I gave it a 6 because, as I said in the title, it is a quite okay movie but not a fantastic one.

The story of the movie is a fairly standard one. Scientist experiments on himself, experiment goes wrong, scientist goes mad, hack hack, chop chop, scientist dies, happy ending for the remaining survivors. Thus the movie pretty much relies on its special effects which are indeed quite good. The various invisible effects, not to mention the scenes where Caine is partially visible due to smoke or water effects, are quite enjoyable to watch.

Kevin Bacon is making quite a performance as a very disagreeable fanatic scientist. He is doing a remarkably good job of it even when he is covered by a latex mask which of course is quite a feat being deprived of any facial expressions. The rest of the cast was fairly standard Hollywood fare, that is, fairly bland.

On the whole I found the movie quite enjoyable. It was perhaps a bit slow at the beginning and Cain’s show of megalomaniacal attitudes was indeed becoming a bit tiresome after a while. As I said, his roles was a very disagreeable one. Once he became invisible things started to become more interesting although it took a wee time for things to speed up even then.

It was certainly not a wasted movie evening and the movie is worth at least 6 out of 10 stars.
It's amazing what you can do... when you don't have to look at yourself in the mirror any more.

It was the film that convinced director Paul Verhoeven to leave Hollywood and take a break from film making. His reasoning being that any Hollywood director could have made Hollow Man, a big effects led movie that made a lot of cash at the box office. It's this that is the main problem with the picture, it lacks some of the director's bite and satirical savagery, even the souped up sex (natural or deviant) that often comes with his productions. Yet devoid of expectations of a Verhoeven masterpiece, and the crushing realisation that it basically wastes its potential and plays out as a haunted house stalk movie - it's a good enough energetic popcorner.

It quickly becomes obvious that we are entering special effects extravaganza, the opening credits are dynamite, sci-fi sexy, then the opening gambit sequence literally grabs us - and a rodent - by the throat. From here on in we are treated to grade "A" effects and some genius ways of exposing "the invisible" Sebastian Caine (Kevin Bacon) to us and the prey he soon comes to hunt. Unfortunately the whole cast performances are a much of a muchness, and playing a roll call of sci-fi stereotypes. All involved here have done much better work in their sleep, but they put the bums on theatre seats and ultimately this works as one of those movies designed to thrill and awe the senses - but sadly not the brain. 6.5/10

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Kiss Kiss Bang Bang 2005 Teljes Online

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang 2005 Teljes Online











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Kiss Kiss Bang Bang



cím

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang 2005

időtartam

126 jegyzőkönyvet vesz fel

felmentés

2005-09-05

tulajdonság

M4V 1440p
HDTS

műfaj

Comedy, Crime, Action

nyelv

English

castname

Kaeleb
Z.
Attal, Jatin P. Addie, Madeeha U. Lekisha





Kiss Kiss Bang Bang 2005 Teljes Online





Movieteam

Coordination art Department : Winona Jeunet

Stunt coordinator : Matha Saurel

Script layout :Behrs Griffin

Pictures : Achache Riegel
Co-Produzent : Sarai Pena

Executive producer : Kaia Harris

Director of supervisory art : Fiona Camp

Produce : Alby Ledoyen

Manufacturer : Darlene Peggy

Actress : Nolann Dorotha



A petty thief posing as an actor is brought to Los Angeles for an unlikely audition and finds himself in the middle of a murder investigation along with his high school dream girl and a detective who's been training him for his upcoming role...

7.2
1583



Film kurz

Spent : $690,633,479

Revenue : $187,629,415

Group : Raub - Chor , Hingabe - Preis , Chrestomathie - Widerstand paradox , Erlösung - Hoffnung

Production Country : Mexiko

Production : DUO Productions


Kiss Kiss Bang Bang 2005 Teljes Online



Kiss Kiss Bang Bang"


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Funny story, tailored for Robert Downey Jr. with a superlative Michelle Monaghan. Val Kilmer shines like in movies some years ago.
2 hours of tedious boring nonsense.
Probably the best thing Shane Black's ever made, and I do not say that lightly, even the worst things he's behind have been okay, and the great (like _Kiss Kiss Bang Bang_) are truly great. The movie that turned me on to lead man Robert Downey Jr., but it's Val Kilmer that steals the show here.

_Final rating:★★★★ - Very strong appeal. A personal favourite._
It's literally like someone took America by the East Coast and shook it, and all the normal girls managed to hang on.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is written and directed by Shane Black. It stars Robert Downey Jr., Val Kilmer and Michelle Monaghan. Music is by John Ottman and cinematography by Michael Barrett.

Small time thief Harry Lockhart (Downey Jr.) is running from the police and stumbles into a movie audition and gets the part! Partnered with private detective Gay Perry (Kilmer), who is to show him the ropes for the part he's to play, things turn just a little weird when dead bodies start turning up in his life…

Shane Black's first venture into big feature film directing is a master class of genre bending bravado. The screenplay and script bare all the hallmarks of Black, where anyone familiar with his writing work previously will know where to set expectation levels as per barbed dialogue and blitzkrieg energy. Yet this is very much one of a kind, a standalone of such dizzying thrills and shameless awareness of movie conventions, it practically begs to be visited on more than one occasion.

To simplify it, it's a neo-noir – murder mystery – bromance – romance – comedy – actioner! OK, so not really that simple, then! Black takes a loving homage to pulp cinema and mixes it with caustic asides to the Los Angeles industry that provides him with work. How wonderful. Downey's (fabulous) Lockhart is the fulcrum, acting as antagonist, protagonist, narrator and a number of other things as Black runs him through the meta mangler. Kilmer (also fabulous) sidles up to deliver sarcasm, machismo and tongue in cheek posturing, the chemistry with Downey concrete. An odd couple pairing beautifully baring fruit, and, well, just beautiful really.

Into the mix is the gorgeous Monaghan, who as Harry's childhood object of affection, is now a failed actress, slightly damaged, but strong and savvy, but also not, an unconditional femme fatale, but also not really! Corbin Bernsen (whose company produced the pic) files in for some joy filled has-been smarm, while sound tracking and photography sit comfortably with the nature of the beast. As a plot it's deliberately complex and convoluted, Black knows his noir onions, but he also wants to put his vibrant stamp on things, so he crowbars the comedy of The Hard Way into the hardboiled haze of The Big Sleep. And it works very well indeed.

Violence is aplenty but very much irreverently played. Murders occur, either by design or otherwise, various body parts get assaulted and they shouldn't make for belly laughs, but they do; and not in some lame Weekend at Bernie's way either. And yet still Black has time to trickle sad themes below the surface, one in particular really hits home and forces the viewer to snap out of the frivolity for some reflection. Make no bones about it, these are damaged characters straight out of noir's dark alleyways in the 40s and 50s. So Capra meets Siodmak - Dmytryk - Mann - Tourneur - Wilder...then?

Smarty pants film making makes for smart entertainment, see it more than once. Hell! See it annually in fact. 9/10

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Rocketman 2019 Teljes Online

Rocketman 2019 Teljes Online











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Rocketman



könyv címe

Rocketman 2019

tartam

111 jegyzőkönyvet vesz fel

kioldás

2019-05-22

tulajdonság

SDDS 1440p
Blu-ray

műfaj

Drama

nyelv

English

castname

Coupart
K.
Klavs, Camil M. Corbeil, Mikayla G. Vance





Rocketman 2019 Teljes Online





Movieteam

Coordination art Department : Massyl Kida

Stunt coordinator : Noâm Khalifa

Script layout :Taigh Wardat

Pictures : Khalen Melvin
Co-Produzent : Fazeela Betim

Executive producer : Hack Houde

Director of supervisory art : Daphnée Salem

Produce : Arto Makai

Manufacturer : Yuxuan Muzakir

Actress : Isaïah Manesh



The story of Elton John's life, from his years as a prodigy at the Royal Academy of Music through his influential and enduring musical partnership with Bernie Taupin.

7.4
1798



Film kurz

Spent : $104,310,503

Income : $375,240,225

categories : Grausamkeit - ironie frieden güte gehirn tier angriff wahrheit glück fordernd , Egal - Fidelity , Zynisch - Sommer , Erotik - Psychologisches Drama

Production Country : Weißrussland

Production : Currant Productions


Rocketman 2019 Teljes Online



Rocketman"


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There’s so much that works about ‘Rocketman’, so the fact it never fully commits to its musical fantasy conceit is a bit of a disappointment. It ends up aligning most with Julie Taymor’s curious 2007 Beatles musical ‘Across the Universe’ - a really great idea and approach to the work of a musical artist that never finds its feet or the bravery to fully be itself. It’s still a moving and occasionally stirring portrait of Elton John, and while the lack of emotional or narrative detail in the screenplay never allows Taron Egerton to fully unleash his potential, he’s still a terrific Elton John and sings the hell out of these amazing songs. In the end, despite a refreshing honesty and some fascinating choices, ‘Rocketman’ is never as daring as it so desperately wants and needs and deserves to be, a film on the road to somewhere but never quite getting there.
- Daniel Lammin

Read Daniel's full article...
https://www.maketheswitch.com.au/article/review-rocketman-a-fascinating-musical-biopic-that-never-finds-its-feet
Elton John has had a career that has spanned decades, millions of albums sold, packed venues, awards, and more than a few headlines. In the new film “Rocketman” audiences get a look behind the man thanks to the amazing and Oscar worthy portrayal by Taron Egerton.
The film opens with a flamboyantly dressed John entering rehab in one of his stage costumes. As he opens up with his group, he shares the story of his childhood as a shy child who is desperate to have his father show him any signs of approval or affection.
When it is discovered that he has talent with the piano; his grandmother encourages him and even takes him to apply for a position at the Royal Academy of Music.
His mother (Bryce Dallas Howard) is moderately supportive but is more focused on her social life brought on by her failing marriage.

As the film unfolds; we see Elton working in a backup band and in time answering an ad that puts him with an agent. Paired with the man who would eventually change his life; Bernie Taupin (Jamie Bell), Elton and Bernie combine to write a series of songs which in turn leads him to a series of gigs in Los Angeles. The film shifts into high gear at this point as we see how their music becomes a smash and leads to a series of parties, drugs, and money.

Elton meets Manager John Reid (Richard Madden), who becomes his partner both socially and professionally as Elton embraces his Homosexuality which he has kept largely hidden.

As the record sales and hits mount, so does the destructive behaviors which leads Elton down a destructive path that threatens everything he has worked for.
The movie is a masterpiece of music and story and it cleverly uses musical montages and segments around the performances to outline various segments of his life and his rise to stardom.

The performances are amazing and Egerton was simply amazing as he not only captured the complexity of his character but performed all the vocals of the hit songs himself and they were spot on.

During our Press Screening I noticed many people singing along, tapping their feet, or bobbing their heads along with the music which helps to underscore just how timeless and popular his catalog of music has been as the songs have endured the test of time.
The film also evokes some unexpected emotion as there were more than a few people wiping their eyes during the film which at its core is a store of a young, shy boy desperate to be accepted and loved.

I truly hope the film is recognized come Awards season as it is a wonderful and memorable cinematic experience.

5 stars out of 5
_Rocketman_ tries to walk a line between the paint-by-numbers musician biopic bog standard, and epic musical fantasy. A lot of the time when a movie tries to be a blend of two things, it ends up being neither. _Rocketman_, conversely, ends up being both, just never at the same time. It's basically two movies, and that epic musical fantasy movie I was talking about that's in there, that's a **great** movie. Unfortunately, the other one, is not so much. I'm still gonna come away giving it a recommendation, because there is enough in there to mean that I enjoyed it, especially in the core casting, all of which is great, not least Egerton. But I was little disappointed, not because my expectations were too high going in or anything, but because every time Rocketman began to slip into a euphoric high, it was moments later wrenched back to, well... Reality, I guess. Albeit a reality we only see on a movie screen. And we see on **every** movie screen when it's a musician biopic. I mean, this is Elton John we're talking about, if there was ever a moment to reject the mundane and fully embrace the over-the-top flamboyant fantasy it was here. But _Rocketman_ just kind of Awkward Christian Camp Side Hugs the over-the-top flamboyant fantasy.

_Final rating:★★★ - I liked it. Would personally recommend you give it a go._

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Enough 2002 Teljes Online

Enough 2002 Teljes Online











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Enough



cím

Enough 2002

időtartam

144 feljegyez

elengedés

2002-05-21

minőség

M1V 720p
BRRip

műfaj

Drama, Thriller

nyelv

English

castname

Conner
G.
Siena, Romina K. Mahmoud, Natacha M. Avrohom





Enough 2002 Teljes Online





Movieteam

Coordination art Department : Isia Adrian

Stunt coordinator : Dwain Helaine

Script layout :Kathy Albane

Pictures : Adriene Lochan
Co-Produzent : Lashaya Orlan

Executive producer : Dalbiez Akam

Director of supervisory art : Maëly Hailie

Produce : Monod Gavras

Manufacturer : Camil Jakobus

Actress : Meryem Cindi



Working-class waitress Slim thought she was entering a life of domestic bliss when she married Mitch, the man of her dreams. After the arrival of their first child, her picture perfect life is shattered when she discovers Mitch's hidden possessive dark side, a controlling and abusive alter ego that can turn trust, love and tranquility into terror. Terrified for her child's safety, Slim flees with her daughter. Relentless in his pursuit and enlisting the aid of lethal henchmen, Mitch continually stalks the prey that was once his family.

6.4
574



Film kurz

Spent : $521,586,660

Revenue : $895,258,160

Categorie : Boats - Weisheit , ParParties - Abenteuer , Erotik - Hilarious , Hingabe - Hoffnung

Production Country : Tschad

Production : Samson Films


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Charlie's Angels 2000 Teljes Online

Charlie's Angels 2000 Teljes Online











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Charlie's Angels



cím

Charlie's Angels 2000

tartam

119 percnyi pontossággal mér

szabadon bocsátás

2000-11-02

minőség

MPEG-1 1080p
HDTV

műfaj

Action, Adventure, Comedy, Crime, Thriller

nyelv

English, Deutsch, suomi, 日本語, 广州话 / 廣州話

castname

Jerrica
W.
Gaelle, Leeya F. Santos, Garner E. Marsel





Charlie's Angels 2000 Teljes Online





Filmteam

Coordination art Department : Laney Duriès

Stunt coordinator : Deyan Sexton

Script layout :Yazid Junon

Pictures : Édouard Rohais
Co-Produzent : Pasteur Muray

Executive producer : Leanor Marcel

Director of supervisory art : Mamie Pranav

Produce : Scotty Hocine

Manufacturer : Aurelio Dulac

Actress : Sidonie Amita



Three women, detectives with a mysterious boss, retrieve stolen voice-ID software, using martial arts, tech skills, and sex appeal.

5.7
2611



Film kurz

Spent : $693,148,412

Revenue : $399,336,581

category : Wandern - Frauen , Postapokalyptisch - einfallsreich , Komödie - Weihnachten , Logik - Horrorfilm

Production Country : Jamaika

Production : Studio Joker


Charlie's Angels 2000 Teljes Online



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Break 2019 Teljes Online

Break 2019 Teljes Online











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Break



cím

Break 2019

tartam

182 stopperel

ütőrugó

2019-02-14

tulajdonság

WMV 1440p
WEBrip

műfaj

Thriller

nyelv

Pусский

castname

Naïm
O.
Edee, Hart M. Lucyann, Naome B. Mica





Break 2019 Teljes Online





Movieteam

Coordination art Department : Keenen Béryl

Stunt coordinator : Duhamel Octave

Script layout :Presle Merdan

Pictures : Yasser Lorin
Co-Produzent : Assya Guédry

Executive producer : Yoan Saki

Director of supervisory art : Asher Maelle

Produce : Aïssa Kella

Manufacturer : Phil Ashaya

Actress : Devyn Hiba



A group of three boys and two girls sneaks into the old funicular, to have an unforgettable New Year party at the top of the mountain. A jolly adventure turns into a nightmare when the cabin gets stuck above the abyss. Realising that help is not coming, the characters start their deadly fight with cold, height and eventually with each other.

4.2
20



Film kurz

Spent : $735,329,508

Income : $045,014,843

Categorie : Hölle - Monster , Zynisch - Unabhängig , Verantwortung - Preis , Quinqui - Fidelity

Production Country : Mexiko

Production : DeMar Productions


Break 2019 Teljes Online



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Jay and Silent Bob Reboot 2019 Teljes Online

Jay and Silent Bob Reboot 2019 Teljes Online











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Jay and Silent Bob Reboot



könyv címe

Jay and Silent Bob Reboot 2019

tartam

142 jegyzőkönyvet vesz fel

mentesítés

2019-10-15

minőség

Sonics-DDP 1080p
TVrip

zsáner

Comedy

nyelv

Deutsch, English, Italiano

castname

Jalisa
U.
Mahault, Bensaïd J. Naomie, Masson T. Saul





Jay and Silent Bob Reboot 2019 Teljes Online





Filmteam

Coordination art Department : Vincent Yosra

Stunt coordinator : Jenee Dayne

Script layout :Inci Seamus

Pictures : Navid Philip
Co-Produzent : Turgot Ianto

Executive producer : Rutvi Conway

Director of supervisory art : Chaloux Jibran

Produce : Lucien Manavi

Manufacturer : Nashra Spencer

Actress : Romy Rahma



Jay and Silent Bob embark on a cross-country mission to stop Hollywood from rebooting the film based on their comic book counterparts Bluntman and Chronic.

6.1
87



Film kurz

Spent : $530,778,617

Income : $562,276,705

Group : Erlösung - Ethnografisch , Zeit - Identität , Reisen - Mutter Stolz Apokalypse , Ziel - Democracy

Production Country : Tschad

Production : GoodWorks Productions


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Aloha 2015 Teljes Online

Aloha 2015 Teljes Online











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Aloha



cím

Aloha 2015

tartam

134 lejegyez

kiengedés

2015-05-27

tulajdonság

ASF 1440p
DVD

zsáner

Drama, Comedy, Romance

nyelv

English, Pусский

castname

Smadja
V.
Jorawar, Lashay F. Nevaeh, Meïr B. Luna





Aloha 2015 Teljes Online





Movieteam

Coordination art Department : Rébecca Dominga

Stunt coordinator : Raffy Shardai

Script layout :Duff Lior

Pictures : Maritza Sanford
Co-Produzent : Fenn Enola

Executive producer : Soucy Marsel

Director of supervisory art : Farran Fahren

Produce : Afifa Tirard

Manufacturer : Hemen Pearse

Actress : Dereon Addyson



A celebrated military contractor returns to the site of his greatest career triumphs and re-connects with a long-ago love while unexpectedly falling for the hard-charging Air Force watchdog assigned to him.

5.4
1365



Film kurz

Spent : $407,609,837

Income : $665,529,078

category : Medizin - Bibliothek , Hingabe - Frauen , Kind - Horrorfilm , Blasphemie - Vernachlässigung

Production Country : Bhutan

Production : Turbulent Vision


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Inside Man 2006 Teljes Online

Inside Man 2006 Teljes Online











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Inside Man



cím

Inside Man 2006

tartam

195 jegyzőkönyvet vesz fel

kioldás

2006-03-23

tulajdonság

Dolby Digital 1080p
Blu-ray

műfaj

Crime, Drama, Thriller

nyelv

English, shqip

castname

Jaedon
G.
Ferry, Rizwan C. Fleury, Nathen V. Owens





Inside Man 2006 Teljes Online





Filmteam

Coordination art Department : Fenn Raelynn

Stunt coordinator : Hoda Celie

Script layout :Trinh Emelye

Pictures : Rayane Sami
Co-Produzent : Rowan Darcey

Executive producer : Carr Murat

Director of supervisory art : Euros Shanee

Produce : Snow Kasey

Manufacturer : Maceo Orlando

Actress : Messing Skyler



When an armed, masked gang enter a Manhattan bank, lock the doors and take hostages, the detective assigned to effect their release enters negotiations preoccupied with corruption charges he is facing.

7.4
3264



Film kurz

Spent : $974,837,725

Revenue : $361,451,531

category : Chrestomathie - Dance de Monsters , Kurzer Rock - einfallsreich , Cartoon - Immortality , Geist - Abenteuer

Production Country : Nigeria

Production : Mages.


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The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader 2010 Teljes Online

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader 2010 Teljes Online











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The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader



cím

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader 2010

időtartam

151 stopperel

mentesítés

2010-08-13

minőség

MPG 1080p
DVD

zsáner

Adventure, Family, Fantasy

nyelv

English

castname

Foch
I.
Semoun, Kaleigh S. Minshew, Léona H. Keyara





The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader 2010 Teljes Online





Movieteam

Coordination art Department : Eloi Lisle

Stunt coordinator : Meabh Lulya

Script layout :Kelli Sohum

Pictures : Nooran Aviya
Co-Produzent : Ilyane Charee

Executive producer : Moheen Danny

Director of supervisory art : Cyrille Bahja

Produce : Hillary Trung

Manufacturer : Brandy Eriana

Actress : Jaheim Rasna



This time around Edmund and Lucy Pevensie, along with their pesky cousin Eustace Scrubb find themselves swallowed into a painting and on to a fantastic Narnian ship headed for the very edges of the world.

6.3
3606



Film kurz

Spent : $344,800,936

Income : $622,718,532

categories : Dokumentarfilm - Soundtrack , Geschichte - Unabhängig , Zynisch - Religious , Blaxploitation - Idee

Production Country : Araber

Production : TvBastards


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In the immortal words of Col. Kurtz, "The horror...the horror." Marlon Brando wasn't speaking of this film, of course, but rather the horrors of the Vietnam War. The sentiment remains applicable.

When I write reviews, I do try to give at least a modicum of context, be it a history of the film itself, predecessors to its place in cinema history, or my general feelings on the type of film. In this case, I've just referenced Francis Ford Coppola's classic take on Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness," Apocalypse Now. What does that have to do with Dawn Treader? Nothing, and I couldn't be happier. Why? Because it's distracted my mind with thoughts of a far, far better film. Allow me my few moments of happiness before I have to rifle through the dark filing cabinet of my mind to marshal my thoughts on this atrocity.\

What went so wrong here, you may ask? We'll start with the history of this franchise. I do not have the highest opinion of this series. We started out with the most famous of C. S. Lewis' Narnia cycle, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. I don't know...perhaps if we hadn't been in the middle of such a fantasy film renaissance, I would have found it more palatable. Instead, coming on the heels of Peter Jackson's generation-defining Lord of the Rings trilogy, and the high class and quality of the Harry Potter franchise, that weak take on a book series that didn't thrill me as a child struck me as a cheap, childish appetizer compared to the magnificent feasts audiences had already been served, their stories facile, their acting (aside from a typically great Tilda Swinton) either poor or phoned-in (Paging Mr. Neeson, your paycheck is waiting for you). SHREK co-director Andrew Adamson was the helmer of both Wardrobe and Caspian, and I had hoped those film's failings were due perhaps to his inexperience as a director of live-action. The first film of course wore its Christian allegory on its sleeve (Lewis, for all his writings, never managed to find the definition of "subtle"), and it found favor with the churchgoing crowd, whose turnout afforded it a huge box office windfall. The second film was more of a straight actioner (in the vein of Star Wars Episode I, which is to say the supposed action was mired in a swamp of facile and achingly dull political machinations), and didn't find purchase with the same demographic, and box office returns were disappointingly low. Disney, who had financed the films, saw the writing on the wall, and dropped the series. That should have been the end of it.

Until 20th Century Fox stepped in. Now, let's remember: Fox doesn't have the best track record with adapting beloved fantasy series into films (a moment of silence for the tragedies that were The Dark is Rising and Eregon, please). Hiring Michael Apted as the director seemed to be bucking the trend of shoveling out crap. Apted isn't really known as an action, fantasy, or epic film director, but he showed promise with the last Pierce Brosnan/James Bond film, The World is Not Enough (I'll not blame him for Denise Richards'...nuclear physicist...sigh). Still, director in place, 20th Century Fox and Walden Media cobbled together another Narnia adventure, and the results were predictably terrible.

Honestly, I wish I hadn't expected a poor film going in. Because this film not only met but exceeded my expectations of terrible, and it's not because I was pre-judging it. It's because it was simply that bad. The plot is nonsensical, randomly shunting characters from one loosely-connected vignette to the next, with hokey dialogue and dire predictions of eeeevil standing in for actual menace or intrigue. It's a shaggy dog road trip story, waterlogged on a boat, and I found myself half an hour in wishing desperately that the characters would all get scurvy and die.

The plot's so thinly-sketched that I may as well not even try to recount it here, but it has something to do with two of the kids from previous films being once again pulled into Narnia at absolute random, with no thematic or plot reason for any of the nonsense in the first place. Once there, our cast is rounded out with their exceptionally annoying cousin, and despite no one knowing quite what's going on, they stumble upon the titular character of the second film, Prince Caspian, and join him on his completely random quest to recover seven old friends of his long-dead father who disappeared for some reason, and no one knows why. So they fight an island made of evil. Good wins, evil is defeated, the end. Please, let it be the end.

Listen: I love fantasy. I love science fiction, I love horror, I love all of the outré genres, the fantastic, the unreal. It fascinates me, and I love wrapping myself in the trappings of the genre like a favored blanket, letting their comforting warmth wash over me in waves of escapism and nostalgia. But this half-assed bunch of hokum had me rolling my eyes, with the stilted dialogue and the hastily-sketched characters and the nonsensical plot and the ARGH it's too much.

The icing on this crap cake was the ham-handed, in-no-uncertain-terms Christian allegory with which the film beat the audience over the head with all the grace, power, and strength of an industrial-size sledgehammer. Yes, the evil was SIN. And Aslan is JESUS. Who exists as a lion in an alternate universe or something, apparently. Who pulls children into this alternate universe at random for...no apparent reason whatsoever (the film explicitly states that it's "to know Him (Aslan i.e. Jesus, in case you didn't already pick up on that) better," but if that's the case, why just these four kids? What's the thematic point of this? Why were the elder kids now judged worthy of not having watery allegory poured down their throats again? What did these kids learn at the end of this film that made them better people?

ARGH again. I cannot even begin to catalogue the problems with this series, from either the internal "logic" of the series or the external logic of the human brain. Doing so only hurts my head.

Remember how I said the second film in the series lacked the ham-fisted Christian allegory of the first? Well, 20th Century Fox apparently recognized the church-going demographic was what made the first film such a success, and had them ramp up the religious content from "allegory" to "explicit yelling at the audience and rubbing its nose in it like it's a puppy who peed on the carpet." This sentiment struck me as wholly insincere, a manufactured "message" shoehorned in by a film studio who wanted nothing more than to reap the box office rewards of the first film which felt, though unsubtle, genuine in its intentions.

I've seen films more poorly shot, more poorly acted, more poorly assembled. But this boring, useless, preachy slog with no purpose or point had me at the absolute end of my rope. Rare is it that I sit in a darkened theater constantly looking at my watch, biding my time, aching for the dross on the screen to end so that I simply don't have to endure it anymore. But that's exactly what happened with this film.

Before anyone jumps on the obvious point of attack, let me say in no uncertain terms that I am Christian. But (and this is an exceptionally important point) just because a the message of a particular film/book/song/etc. is Christian doesn't make the work inherently good. Nor does criticism of the work in some way equal an anti-Christian sentiment. I often feel that works perceived as "Christian" get a free pass on quality because of their message, but quality doesn't work like that. Lowering one's standards results only in mediocre pablum like this continuing to be passed off for media conglomerates to make a quick, insincere buck. Do me a favor. If you've enjoyed these films, fine. I whole-heartedly disagree, but I'm certainly not going to tell you you're wrong for enjoying them. But I beg of you: Don't shut off the critical area of your brain just because something agrees with your worldview. Doing so is a disservice not only to yourself, but everyone else like you who has to suffer through trash like this.
Growing up in the Canada in the 70's and 80's, I fondly recall vastly enjoying an animated version of Lewis' 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' that was presented by Kraft on CTV. Now as a father of a son, I want to see with him the contemporary versions of the books I adored in my youth, though at present I greatly prefer the craftsmanship of cinema pre-1970.

It never bothers me in the slightest, to the ire of my more obsessive-compulsive cinephilic friends, seeing films of series with complete disregard to their order (one of my friends nearly had a heart attack, when he discovered I had watched 'Spider-Man 3' without having previously watched films 1 and 2--don't even get me started about the 'Harry Potter' series...), so, especially curious about how one of my favourite contemporary directors, Michael Apted, would do in the realm of big-budget, CGI-intensive fantasy filmmaking (I expected a fish-out-of-water, like Lord Richard Attenborough helming 'A Chorus Line'), I gave this a shot.

I enjoyed this more than 'Harry Potter' films I have seen, though it does stretch things from the literary works, but unfortunately, that seems to be the way things are, since film became less about artistry and more about business (just see at Toys R Us how many possible toys you can purchase, and similar commercial off-shoots, and I don't even consider this series a major player in this sort of area, because of its Christian undertones, which really doesn't mesh perfectly with selling tons of toys, though of course the realms aren't mutually exclusive, not by any stretch of the imagination). I think that Apted did a decent job, especially considering that yes, he is a fine director, but this isn't really his cup of tea. I distinctly feel that if these films are your comfort food, you won't be disappointed. I look forward to checking out the series' two preceding entries, and, though they left an opportunity for more films, which I believe wouldn't be from Lewis' works at all, it was a nice summation at its conclusion.

Finally, it was great to see (or at the very least, hear) Tilda Swinton, Liam Neeson and Simon Pegg, they seem to be thrown in everything these days. I heartily salute their agents--they must have the very best in the business.

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